Fatima's Blog

I feel sad and nostalgic that the Space Shuttle is going away. I realize it is time for new technology but apparently we don’t even have that in place yet. This last shuttle launch was postponed several times because of problems. One would think that after all these years the kinks would have been worked out. I don’t think we devoted as much time and money to the program as we should.

Space is a frontier to explore and there is a place for human exploration in the space program. The space station has done useful experiments and there has to be some way to get materials and people to the station. It seems wrong to leave that work to other countries. We have got to get our space program back to the forefront where it was years ago. We owe that to the men and women who gave their lives to explore space.

Bienerstich (German Honey Bee Sting Cake)–A little complicated but worth the work.

1 5/8 cup flour
1 Tbsp active dry yeast
2 Tbsp granulated sugar
pinch of salt
3/4 cup lukewarm milk
3 Tbsp butter

Combine flour, sugar, yeast, salt, lukewarm milk, and butter. Turn out dough onto lightly floured board, Knead until smooth and elastic (about 15 to 20 minutes). Place in a well-greased bowl and cover. Place in warm place to rise for 1 hour or until doubled in size.
Punch down dough. Rol out to 1/2 inch thickness. Spread in greased 8 inch round pan. Cover and let rise 30 minutes in warm place.

3 Tbsp butter
1 1/2 Tbsp confectioner’s sugar
5/6 cup sliced almonds
1 Tbsp honey

Melt butter and sugar in saucepan. Add almonds and milk. Remove from heat and stir in honey, Spread evenly and carefully over the dough. Cover and allow the dough to rise 30 minutes more.
Preheat oven to 400°F. Bake dough for 20-25 minutes or until crust is golden brown. Cool completely on wire rack.

1 1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup cornstarch
1 Tbsp granulated sugar
1 large egg, beaten
1 tsp almond extract

Dissolve the cornstarch in some of the milk. Combine the rest of the milk, sugar, cornstarch and milk in a double boiler.Heat while stirring about 2 or 3 minutes or until thickened. Add beaten egg and stir for 2 minutes until thickened,

Remove from heat and stir in almond extract. Chill, covered, in refrigerator for 1 hour.

1 cup heavy whipping cream
1/2 tsp cream of tartar.

Beat cream and cream of tartar until stiff. Fold into chilled pudding mixture.

Cut the cooked almond crust bread in half horizontally. Fill with pudding/cream mixture. Chill, serve cold.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Yes, I wish I were at the seacoast watches the waves.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Reading a book

Where did you last sleep other than your house?
My cousin John’s house in November in New York State

What’s the worst way to say I love you?
When crying

What are you doing tomorrow?
Doing my prep for my colonoscopy (you asked)

Where is the person who has your heart at the moment?
My granddaughters are at home

Is there somebody in your life that you could not survive without?
My granddaughters

Were you single on your last birthday?
Yes

Who was the last person to cook for you?
My friend Pattie in New York State in November

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?
Probably not, though maybe my sister

Are you anyone’s first love?
Yes

When is the next time you will kiss someone?
When I next see my granddaughters

Are you afraid of falling in love?
Yes. My love life has not turned out well.

Made any new regrets this year?
I regret that I ever gave my daughter the address of my blog

Do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
I don’t hate her; I don’t much like her sometimes. She’s my daughter.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
Once

Think a lot before you fall asleep?
No

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Jeans

Who was the last person you were in the car with & where were you going?
My granddaughters. We went to the movies yesterday.

Is there any meaning behind your profile song?
I don’t have one, but if I did it would be Enrique Iglesias’ “Hero”

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
No. I love to laugh.

What’s the biggest annoyance in your life right now?
My intestinal problems and my daughter

What were you doing at 3am this morning?
Sleeping

Who was your last comment from?
The Hook

Last missed call?
My financial advisor

Do you secretly like someone?
Yes, and I shouldn’t for many reasons but I do.

Would you ever smile at a stranger?
Of course I smile a lot.

Who was the last person you had a serious talk with?
Joanne, my sister and an email conversation with Alen

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
No

Is anything hurting on your body?
Yes. My intestines and my bunions, plus I have a migraine

You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems?
No, it was my granddaughters

Can you honestly say that you’re okay right now?
No

Who was the last person you spoke to on your cell?
My daughter

What color is your cell phone?
White

Are you currently waiting for a phone call? From who?
No, but my sister may call

Do you have any drugs in your bedroom?
They are all in the bathroom and there are a bunch

Is there a feature on your face that people compliment you on?
My lips

Who last texted you? What did it say?
My granddaughter Jackie; “k”

What’s the closest thing to you with sparkles?
A plastic drinking glass

What made you cry last?
My daughter

What are your plans for today?
Hoping my intestines calm down, reading, and watching tv

What’s the last TV show/movie you watched?
The Real Housewives of New York

Who do you trust with your deepest secrets?
My sister and my friend Pattie, my cousin John, Alen

Are you missing someone?
I miss my sister and Pattie and cousin John and Chris

Did it rain today?
Nope. This is San Antonio. We had rain once in the last 94 days.

Have you ever broken anything because you were mad?
Oh my yes.

Are you mad at anyone right now?
Yes

Is anyone mad at you right now?
Yes

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Haven’t listened to music today

How was last night?
Boring and annoying

Have you ever intentionally made someone jealous?
Yes.

Did you have an exciting last weekend?
Not at all.

Are you wearing a necklace?
Yes

Have you ever worked in a food place?
In the hospital soda counter

Do you think that you’re a good person?
I hope I am; I try to be

Are you tired right now?
A little

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Sometimes

Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night?
Yes

What are you currently listening to?
The Real Housewives of New York on the TV

Do you drink pineapple juice?
Yes

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
Probably my son-in-law

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
Yes; my best friend

Ever asked a boy for advice?
Men, yes. Boys, no.

Think back five months ago, were you single?
yes

Be honest, do you like people in general?
Yes!!

How do you feel about girls smoking?
No one should smoke

Any pets?
2 dogs

When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
At the movie “Arthur”

What time will you be getting up tomorrow morning?
About 5:30 a.m.

Do you trust all of your friends?
I trust people who are my friends or I don’t have them as friends

Are you counting down for anything?
yes. The prep for the colonoscopy

Favorite colour?
Violet

What’s your mood right now?
Depressed, anxious, sad

Do you have clothes that belong to other people?
No

Who are you talking to right now?
No one but the dogs

Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?
Back a week. Daughter wasn’t so angry

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
Oh yes.

Last thing you dropped?
A postcard

What’s something you really want right now?
a steak

Closest purple object to you?
A highlighter

Is there a girl that knows everything about you?
No. No Man either

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?
No.

What’s running through your mind right now?
Answering this survey which is quite long, wondering if anyone will see my new blog, wondering when this nonsense with my daughter will be over

Would you rather have long or short hair?
I have short hair, but would like it longish

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
No

When’s the last time someone of the opposite sex told you they miss you?
December

Is there someone you’d really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff?
Yes, my sister or Pattie or John or Alen

Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone?
Yes

Do you wanna fix anything with anyone?
Yes, my daughter

What are you doing this Saturday?
Probably taking the granddaughters to the movie.

Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
Yes

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
Yes, Pattie and my cousin John and my sister, mostly

Do you have feelings for anyone right now?
Yes

Were you in a relationship last month?
No

Would you consider yourself a heartless person?
No, but my daughter would beg to differ

Regret your last relationship with a boy?
Yes

If the last person you had a “thing” with got their heart broken, would you feel bad?
Yes,no one should have to go through that

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
Autumn

Do you know anyone named Matt?
Yes

When was the last time you talked to a sibling?
A couple weeks ago

Where will you be tomorrow at noon?
Drinking liquids in my living room and reading or on the laptop

Will you be a strict parent one day?
Those days are gone and I should have been stricter

Think back to July 2008, were you single?
yes

What will make you happy right this second?
For my daughter to call and say “I forgive you” and “I’m sorry, too.”

When’s the last time you said you were fine, but really weren’t?
Tuesday

Do you consider yourself lucky?
No

Do you trust people easily?
No

Have you ever made fun of anybody and later became their friend?
No. I rarely make fun of anybody.

How many times is E in your full name?
four

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?
Yes. When I was in grade school with my best friend Connie

I suffer from an intestinal disorder. I had collagenous colitis for over a year until it was finally diagnosed and a month or more before it was finally treated. As with most intestinal disorders, it is not pleasant. There were days when I could not leave my house because I had no control. It was the worst year I have ever spent. I was also going through a divorce and a relocation, so the whole situation was horrible.

Every six months to a year, I went to the gastointerologist for a check and after about 3 years, the colitis went away. It felt like a miracle. The meds had worked, although they were bad for my kidneys. When the doctor told me that the colitis was gone, I was thrilled.

About a year and half after I was “clean,” I started what I and my doctor thought was irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), in which one vacillates between constipation and diarrhea. Except I didn’t have much constipation and the diarrhea lasted for weeks. These past two months have been hell. The diarrhea doesn’t stop; I’m back to days where I can’t go out. Depends help but when you have no control, what can you do when you can’t make it to the bathroom. I have tried two different meds and they haven’t worked. So I made an appointment for another colonoscopy, which is Tuesday. The day I made the appointment, the diarrhea stopped. I was fine for 2 weeks, but yesterday it started again. It is all very sudden. I was out with my granddaughters and I had to take them home earlier than I planned because of it.

It stopped during the night (thank God) and I thought things were okay until this morning when I have spent more time in the bathroom than anywhere else. I planned to go to my daughter’s house and the pharmacy but I can’t go anywhere until this lets up. I am so upset about it; I

I almost had a stroke when my daughter, who is angry with me, had her husband say she would not pick me up from my health appointments this week. She finally said she would pick me up for this appointment for the colonosocopy but I had to cancel the surgery, which can wait though I am in pain. I can’t wait to do the prep for the colonoscopy because then there will be nothing left in me and this will stop (I hope).

As for my problems with people picking me up from the hospital when I have procedures, I am taking a cab to the procedure, but it doesn’t solve the other problems. I fear getting sick because I know my daughter won’t be there for me. My sister suggested that I call the hospital social worker and maybe that is a possibility. Joanne also wants me to move back to where I’m from, but honestly I don’t think I could live there. It is a small town and rather provincial, and I don’t think I could survive there. I’m Muslim and this small town is not very welcoming to “strange” people.

My daughter read my blog and since I had blogged about her and her family, she was very angry. So I had to start another blog and hope people follow me to it. She has cit me off. We were supposed to go to a week’s late Mother’s Day Brunch this weekend but that didn’t happen. She wasn’t so much upset at the recent posts as posts I wrote a year ago from a private blog that inadvertently transferred to the public blog. I really let loose in those blogs especially when her husband threw me out of their house after I had house-sat for them and their dog bite be badly and I had a terrible infection from it. They blamed me and said I got bit on purpose so the dog would be quarantined (how ridiculous). We didn’t speak for nearly two months and then at the therapist’s office which wasn’t pleasant. She must not have much to do if she has time to read through 300 posts to get to the bad parts. I would have deleted them if I had known she would see them. I would have written them and then burned them.

She is just like my mother. No matter how much I say I’m sorry and apologize, she says,”You’re not sorry.” She’s like my mother in many other ways and she scares me with her anger the way my mother did. They both have terrible tempers and everything is always about them. Even though my mother has been dead 20 years, thinking about her anger still upsets me. So does thinking about my daughter. We are very different people and I think don’t like each other very much. She remembers every wrong thing I ever did since she was a child and doesn’t hesitate to bring it up. Even when I explain why things happened, it doesn’t seem to matter.

She doesn’t seem to be willing to forgive anything nor does she remember the things I have done for her when she was in dire need of help and there was no one else to help her, as when she left her first husband. I supported her through that with money and as much time as I could. But that wasn’t enough for her. She remembers when I couldn’t be there. I have given her a substantial loan from my retirement so she and current huisband could pay off loans, but stopped making payments until I asked and then stopped again because they had more important things to do like go on vacation, buy iPads, etc. I asked again for payments and offered to extend the loan but she was insulted and said they would mortgage the house to get the money. (They won’t.) My son-in-law did give me a payment yesterday, the first in months, which I appreciate.

Suffise it to say that I don’t feel well physically nor emotionally today. I don’t know what the next weeks and months will hold for us. We have an appointment at the therapist in June; maybe that will help. I hope so. I feel like cutting again, which I haven;t done in a long time, but I don’t know what will relieve the stress. The anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs work up to a point. But this stress is too much.

My former blog was My Life, Such As It Is.

I love mystery novels. And I love mysteries that are serials and have characters that keep showing up in the books. It was very difficult to answer this question because I have three characters that want to know more about and read more of their adventures in books. But mostly I’d love to meet those characters and learn more about them.

The first is Sister Fidelma of the Sister Fidelma mysteries by Peter Treymane, of course. Sister Fidelma is a young Irish woman in her late 20s who happens to be a nun and also happens to be married to her companion in crime. Brother Eadulf, a Saxon brother. Did I mention that these novels are set in 7th century Ireland and England (and Rome) when married clergy were not banned by the Catholic Church and very common in Ireland, although Rome was pressuring the clergy into celibacy. There were many differences between the Irish and Roman churches, and Sister Fidelma’s stories make these differences known.

I have gotten to the point in the series where Fidelma and Eadulf are married (a trial marriage) and have a young son. They have been in a trial marriage for a year and a day, and are now making the marriage permanent (the book I’m presently reading).

Fidelma is an anruth, or a magistrate/lawyer/advocate in the Irish legal system, which was quite unique. She is forever quoting Roman and Greek poets, and also her mentor from law school. I’d love to know how she remembers all these quotations. Eadulf quotes too but not nearly so often as Fidelma.

I would love to know how Fidelma’s mind works and figures out the mystery. She gives away very little in the stories and even does not share how her mind is working with Eadulf. But she see everything and stores it away in her mind until the pieces fit.

Another character I would love to get to know is Claire Ferguson, an Episcopalian minister in a small town in upstate New York (near where I used to live) who somehow gets involved in mysteries involving murders. The author is Julia Spencer-Fleming. Her “side-kick” is the local sheriff, who was married but whose wife conveniently dies in one of the books. Claire and the sheriff never have a physical relationship until after the death of the wife, but Claire is interested in so many things. Did I mention that she is a helicopter pilot in the National Guard? Well, in the next book, she is called into duty. This should be interesting.

The third character is very different from the other two. She is eleven year old precocious Flavia de Luce who lives in a manor house outside a small village in England in post World War II Britain, created by Alan Bradley. She is fascinated by chemistry and stumbles across crimes in her small village. She manages to stumble upon clues and solve the mysteries as only a child can. She lives with two elder sisters who torment her as much as she torments them and her depressed Father who has never recovered from the death of his adventuresome wife when Flavia was an infant. I would like to meet this child/woman and have a conversation with her. It would not be like a conversation with a child at all. She is fascinating, though a bit annoying to live with, I suppose.

These are the three characters that I would love to learn more about and have conversations with, but I guess I will just have to wait and read the rest of the books in the series.

You can read this on my old blog, My Life, Such, As It is. I will begin posting on my new post only next week. Please ask me for the address.

When I went to get the girls for the movies yesterday, the girls gave me a gift for Mother’s Day. We were supposed to go to brunch this weekend but I guess I ruined that because I blogged about my daughter and some of my private blogs ended up in the published one. She is really upset about the blogs. She hung up on my last week and we haven’t spoken since. It breaks my heart. I try to say I’m sorry and please forgive me, but she is so much like my mother, who would say, “You’re not sorry. You don’t mean it.” It was like listening to my mother all over again when I was younger. There is nothing I can do to convince her of my sorrow and regret. I don’t know what to do. What can I do? Slit my wrists (it has occurred to me; I’ve cut before).

The gifts were nice. A shell bracelet (probably from Mexico) and a diamond heart necklace. Both were beautiful. But I couldn’t even say thank you because she stayed upstairs and then went out to dinner. I’ll try today. Her husband came down to give me a loan payment which I appreciate.

I want to say I’m sorry if I have blogged unsavory things about my daughter. Blogs are supposed to let you vent your emotions and out let what you feel so you don’t take it out on your relatives. This sort of backfired, and I’m sorry for it. I will blog more privately because that’s how I deal with problems.

This is also on mu old blog. My Life, Such As It Is..

It’s Saturday. It’s usually movie day for my granddaughters and me and today is no exception. Yesterday we went to see Something Borrowed. It was a good movie; I was a little disappointed in the ending but then that’s how I am. The girls enjoyed it.

We generally like light-hearted movies, nothing too heavy, lots of comedies. There are exceptions, of course. We saw Tron (I thought I was going to die sitting through that movie) and Black Swan (a little too mature for the girls). A couple weeks ago we saw Rio. That was cute. And we saw “Arthur” which, for a remake, was pretty good and they girls enjoyed it.

We like to go to the movies and then go out for lunch where I hear about what’s going on in school. So much of the school stuff is just the same as it was when I was in school, but there are a few differences. Students are much more sophisticated and knowledgeable about so many things today. I am glad to see that students seem to be concerned about the environment and peace than when my daughter was in school, or when I was in school.

We went to Denny’s where they had their usual: double cheeseburger which they inhale. I don’t know how they eat so much so fast and stay so slim. They are preparing for finals at school and then off to Grandpa’s and then on to their dad’s in California. They’ll be gone all summer, which kills me because we spend so much time together.

I had to stop at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and dog food. Thank God we aren’t sending any more care packages to Afghanistan to their dad. I couldn’t deal with the prescription line (there was a woman who was collecting numerous prescriptions for alt least 4 different people and I knew I’d be there half an hour so I left and will go back today). The girls are so good to help carry the dog food and treats.

For Mother’s Day, they gave me a shell bracelet (probably from Mexico) and a diamond heart necklace. My son-in-law came downstairs to give me a payment on the loan and we were pleasant to each other. My daughter was a no-show. It breaks my heart that we can’t have a decent relationship. A lot of it is my fault for blogging about her, especially since my private blog got moved to the public one, and she has a right to be upset. But she is so unforgiving. There is nothing I can do to take it back, so what to do? At least we’re going back to the therapist. Maybe that will help.

I hope to take the girls to the movies next week. It will be our last weekend together. I could cry.

This post can be found on my old blog, My Life, Such as it is.


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